6 years

🎉 Celebrating 6 Years Clean! 🎉

Today marks another milestone in my recovery journey. Today, I proudly celebrate 6 years clean! It hasn’t been easy, but thanks to everyone’s support, I’ve come so far.

First, I want to apologize to those I pushed away during my struggles. I regret the pain caused by my actions. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me as I continue to grow and learn from my past.

On this special day, I also want to express my gratitude to those who stood by me through it all. Your support & love has been essential in my recovery and healing. Thank you for never giving up on me.

As I begin another year of sobriety, I am filled with new hope. I am grateful for the opportunity to share this milestone with you. ✨

#SixYearsClean#Grateful#JourneyOfHealing#afterthewolf#celebraterecovery

Dear Mother

Dear Mother,

I needed you. 

I needed to be loved.

I needed the love of a mother.

I watched as you hugged and loved my siblings.

Peeking through the cracks in the door

My heart filled with jealousy.

Always made to feel inferior.

Like an embarrassing mistake.

Always wondering why I wasn’t enough.

I was the target for your anger.

Your eyes were filled with rage.

Your hands were powered by hate.

When my feelings overpowered,

I turned to self harm.

Anything to drown the chaos in my mind.

I would hide in the closet,

Wrapped up in blankets,

& pretend they were your touch.

My nights spent crying.

Praying to God to take me.

Wondering if I’d ever be enough.

It’s Closed

I am tired. But after 3 months, the case is finally closed.

Narcissists come in many shapes and forms. Covert narcissists are harder to spot and get away with their actions the longest. Their demeanor can convince others that they have done nothing wrong.

I am not hysterical. I have been a victim of a narcissist for over a decade. A victim of a narcissistic parent my entire childhood. My mother failed me. Because of her I learned how to walk on eggshells and handle a narcissist. Because of her, I fell into the cycle. She taught me to tolerate abuse with the hopes of receiving a pinch of kindness. So at age 18; I found a new person who took advantage of my broken heart.

Now, for over a decade; I have let this man come in and out of my children’s lives. Because I care for his mother. They are the only grandchildren so far. I am grateful for her. And she would send money, presents, cards, and love throughout these years. So it really hurt to read these text messages. I know as a parent you will always love and defend your child and I do not blame her for the anger. She loves her son unconditionally. I understand that. I am thankful for her because she took my children out of that situation on that day.

I just wanted my children to have their father. That’s why I let the cycle go on as long as I did. I hoped my children could have that father daughter relationship i have. My father has always been the parent that I know I can rely on. No matter what, my father has been there for me. Was he perfect? No. But he has fulfilled his role as a father and shown me that a child should be loved unconditionally.

I longed for my children to have that relationship.

It’s unfortunate that this ended up this way yet again. But unlike the many other times, we are both in the same state. Unlike the multiple other times I have been subjected to his abuse, something was done. Do I think the sentence was fair? Not quite. Mostly, I’m just relieved that something was done this time.

———————Mugshot Disclaimer———————-

FLst 119.01

(1) It is the policy of this state that all state, county, and municipal records are open for personal inspection and copying by any person. Providing access to public records is a duty of each agency.

“Arrest records which include mugshots are public documents and form part of the arrest history of an arrestee. Arrest data include biographical information, charges, fingerprints and mugshots of the suspects. In accordance with the Florida Public Records Act, law enforcement agencies across the state provide public access to this information by publishing them on their websites.”

#afterthewolf#cptsd#trauma#narcissist#domesticviolenceawareness#florida