Early morning 3/29, i found myself on the side walk sobbing and calling out for my mommy.

I had just regained consciousness from hitting my head on the sidewalk. I was being held in the arms of my abuser. He said he “saved” me. He was the reason i was on the ground in the first place. Trying to escape him.

I will never understand why my heart wanted my mother so badly. Why i kept calling out “i want my momma, i want my mommy…”. But i did. And when i tried to call a few days later after years of no contact, i was let down yet again.

Over the last two years I’ve experienced a lot. But over the last few months, the most unimaginable things. My heart hurts. My soul is sad. I long for a mother that never existed. I long to be held the way i cradle my daughters when they’re in despair.

But I will never have that. I never did.
I’m still in the battle zone. I will be for a while. But i have found an amazing support system who loves me. A new momma that cares about me. A bunso who protects me. Though my poppa, brother, and sister are far away, i feel their love. It will never replace the love of a mother, but i never knew what that felt like in the first place.

What i do know, is that i will get through this storm. With God, my friends, and my family.