31 year old publicly documenting her journey through life. You will see into my journey as a late diagnosed AuDHD, child of a narcissistic mother, survivor of domestic violence, single parent of two AuDHD children, former addict, eating disorder, and other mental health topics.
I am proud of where I am in life. I have come so far. But, I am tired. Raising neurodivergent kids alone is so SO hard. It’s a full time job in itself. I try so SO hard to be a good mom. I just don’t feel like I am enough sometimes.
I am drained. Mentally and physically.
I wish I could do more. Be more.
Be more patient.
Be more kind.
Be more resilient.
Be more loving.
I pour my all into my girls, career, and education.
Until I don’t have anything more to pour.
Right now I feel like I am drawing in a hurricane. I know the Lord will help me through this storm. I will continue to trust Him.
I have a bulging disc and some other stuff I don’t understand.
But I mean really? Since moving here, leak in my house from the upstairs apartment, sprained neck, I tore my quad on the last day of school, I’ve got KIDNEY STONES and has so much pain that I was literally throwing up last week, and now I got the mri results for my back and have a bulging disc.
When it rains right?
I am so thankful though.
I’ve had back problems for years. I just kept getting told to lose weight. Well i did and I still have pain. THIS is (one of the reasons) why I came over here. For doctors that would take my pain seriously and actually investigate.
Took literally 1 appointment. Same day X-rays and MRI shortly after. I’ll be evaluating treatment options on Thursday.
I have not gone without. I will continue to praise God through this storm. The devil has been on me since I got here to Orlando. But God has bigger plans for my girls and I.
Today marks another milestone in my recovery journey. Today, I proudly celebrate 6 years clean! It hasn’t been easy, but thanks to everyone’s support, I’ve come so far.
First, I want to apologize to those I pushed away during my struggles. I regret the pain caused by my actions. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me as I continue to grow and learn from my past.
On this special day, I also want to express my gratitude to those who stood by me through it all. Your support & love has been essential in my recovery and healing. Thank you for never giving up on me.
As I begin another year of sobriety, I am filled with new hope. I am grateful for the opportunity to share this milestone with you.
I am tired. But after 3 months, the case is finally closed.
Narcissists come in many shapes and forms. Covert narcissists are harder to spot and get away with their actions the longest. Their demeanor can convince others that they have done nothing wrong.
I am not hysterical. I have been a victim of a narcissist for over a decade. A victim of a narcissistic parent my entire childhood. My mother failed me. Because of her I learned how to walk on eggshells and handle a narcissist. Because of her, I fell into the cycle. She taught me to tolerate abuse with the hopes of receiving a pinch of kindness. So at age 18; I found a new person who took advantage of my broken heart.
Now, for over a decade; I have let this man come in and out of my children’s lives. Because I care for his mother. They are the only grandchildren so far. I am grateful for her. And she would send money, presents, cards, and love throughout these years. So it really hurt to read these text messages. I know as a parent you will always love and defend your child and I do not blame her for the anger. She loves her son unconditionally. I understand that. I am thankful for her because she took my children out of that situation on that day.
I just wanted my children to have their father. That’s why I let the cycle go on as long as I did. I hoped my children could have that father daughter relationship i have. My father has always been the parent that I know I can rely on. No matter what, my father has been there for me. Was he perfect? No. But he has fulfilled his role as a father and shown me that a child should be loved unconditionally.
I longed for my children to have that relationship.
It’s unfortunate that this ended up this way yet again. But unlike the many other times, we are both in the same state. Unlike the multiple other times I have been subjected to his abuse, something was done. Do I think the sentence was fair? Not quite. Mostly, I’m just relieved that something was done this time.
———————Mugshot Disclaimer———————-
FLst 119.01
(1) It is the policy of this state that all state, county, and municipal records are open for personal inspection and copying by any person. Providing access to public records is a duty of each agency.
“Arrest records which include mugshots are public documents and form part of the arrest history of an arrestee. Arrest data include biographical information, charges, fingerprints and mugshots of the suspects. In accordance with the Florida Public Records Act, law enforcement agencies across the state provide public access to this information by publishing them on their websites.”
Celebrating 6 Years Clean! 
After The Wolf 