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Posts by lifeafterthewolf

31 year old publicly documenting her journey through life. You will see into my journey as a late diagnosed AuDHD, child of a narcissistic mother, survivor of domestic violence, single parent of two AuDHD children, former addict, eating disorder, and other mental health topics.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

A narcissist is good at wearing the mask.
They’re good with the public.
They’re usually ’respected’ and praised often.
Behind closed doors is when the mask comes off. Once they get comfortable, the real them shows.

A narcissistic parent:

Withholds love and tries to put out the light so their child will constantly be seeking their approval. But in public, they will praise that child and take credit for their accomplishments so that THEY get the praise and not the child.

The parent will not let the child find their own “style” unless it’s something that makes the parent look good.

They will emotionally neglect the child and belittle their mental health claims. Usually withholding medical care to prevent the child from speaking up about what goes on at home.

When they have more than 1 child, More often than not, they will choose a scapegoat. That one child will always be “the bad kid”, “problem child”, “embarrassment” etc.

When you are their scapegoat, You will never please a narcissistic parent. Nothing will ever be good enough for them.

  • AfterTheWolf ♥

Sobre Mi Madre

Tengo que decir algo. Mi madre es falsa. Su nombre es Cynthia Jiménez. “Mujer de Valor” en las redes sociales. Ella está en las redes sociales publicando sobre la gran persona que es y llamándose a sí misma una “mujer de valor”. Lo que no menciona es que ella misma es una abusadora. Mi madre y mi padre tenían una relación tóxica. Multa. Lo que no entiendo es por qué ella sigue arrastrando su nombre por el barro años después. ¿Por qué ella todavía se involucra con su drama ACTUAL? no te involucra, déjalo ir. También ha estado enviando personas a mis redes sociales, pero desafortunadamente para ella, sus vistas de perfil en TikTok están activadas y puedo ver a quién está enviando. Verás, ella se ha hecho un nombre al victimizarse a sí misma. Ella habla de mis hermanos con grandes elogios y habla de sus otros nietos. No habla de mis hijos, no habla de mí, no habla del daño que me causaría. Ella no menciona que no hemos tenido contacto desde febrero una vez más. No menciona que le hice saber que hirió mis sentimientos al degradarme y decidió dejarme en lectura y no responder. Sin embargo, ese día hizo una publicación en sus redes sociales diciendo que quería oraciones porque estaba teniendo un día difícil. Solo notó que estaba limitando mi contacto cuando dejé de seguirla en las redes sociales. Eso es todo lo que era, un suscriptor o un seguidor de ella.

Ella no menciona los años de abuso físico y mental. El ojo morado con el que me envió a la escuela y me dijo que culpara a mi hermano. Ella no menciona cómo me negó la atención de salud mental, que ahora me doy cuenta de que fue por miedo. Ella tenía miedo de que yo expusiera la verdad de su abuso. Ella no solo abusaría de mí, sino que también abusaría de una niña que tenía en su guardería con licencia estatal. Yo era un niño en ese entonces y no sabía nada mejor, simplemente me quedé callado. No menciona cómo empujaría comida por mi garganta en lugar de buscarme ayuda para mi trastorno alimentario. Pimienta picante en mis ojos y mi boca, ser pateada con los zapatos puestos, tener que desnudarme hasta quedar solo en ropa interior para que ella pudiera inspeccionarme físicamente por autolesiones en lugar de buscarme ayuda. Solo se enteró de la autolesión porque un maestro se dio cuenta después de cuatro años. Ella no habla de cómo favorece a mis hermanos y cómo no admitirá que soy un accidente. Sin embargo, ella siempre me hizo sentir como uno. Ella no habla de cómo dejó de alimentarme durante meses y tuve que buscar comida a altas horas de la noche porque se negó a prepararme comida cuando se enteró de que tenía una novia en la escuela secundaria. Ella no habla de cómo me diría que me iba a enviar a un orfanato al menos semanalmente. Ella me culpa por mi violación. Ella no me visitó cuando estaba en el hospital por mi primer intento de suicidio. Se negó a abrirme las puertas cuando me quedé sin hogar con mi hijo de nueve meses. ella sabía que no tenía hogar cuando estaba en California y se ofreció a llevarse a mis hijos, pero solo si le otorgaba mis derechos. ¿Qué hay de mí? Ayudó a mi hermana a mudarse por todo el país y la dejó quedarse con ella para que pudiera ponerse de pie, ¿pero yo? Le encanta verme sufrir. Las repercusiones de mis propias acciones, decía.

Ella no le cuenta a la gente cómo me menospreció y me culpó por la respuesta traumática de mi hija a su agresión sexual. Menosprecia a mi hija por ser autista y los comportamientos que conlleva. No le cuenta a los demás cómo me culpó cuando mi ex esposo me agredió físicamente y me dijo que si me hubiera quedado callada, no me habría puesto las manos encima. Me dijo el año pasado que me quería sacar de su testamento, adelante. ¿Por qué me dirías eso? ¿Para dañarme? No me importa. Hay mucho más. Este es solo el comienzo. Ella hablará en una conferencia nacional el próximo fin de semana para hablar sobre cómo ser una mejor mujer y cómo dejar una relación abusiva y cómo reconocer las señales de abuso cuando ni siquiera las reconoce en sí misma. Mejor aún, estoy seguro de que ella lo sabe y simplemente lo ignora.

La verdad saldrá a la luz. Es solo cuestión de tiempo.

Note about my Birth Giver

I have to say something.

My mother is fake. Her name is Cynthia Jimenez. “Mujer de Valor” on social media. She is on social media posting about what a great person she is and calling herself a “woman of valor”. What she fails to mention is that she herself is an abuser.

My mother and father had a toxic relationship. Fine. What I don’t understand is why she is still dragging his name through the mud years later. Why is she still involving herself with his PRESENT drama. it doesn’t involve you, let it go. She’s also been sending people to my social media but unfortunately for her, their profile views on TikTok are on and I can see who she is sending.

You see, she has made a name for herself by victimizing herself. She talks about my siblings with high praise and talks about her other grandchildren. She doesn’t talk about my children, she doesn’t talk about me, she doesn’t talk about the hurt she would cause me. She fails to mention that we have been no contact since February yet again. She doesn’t mention that I let her know that she hurt my feelings by degrading me and she chose to leave me on read and not reply. However, she did make a post on her social media that day that she wanted prayers because she was having a rough day. She only noticed that I was limiting my contact when I unfollowed her on social media. That’s all I was, a subscriber or a follower to her.

She doesn’t mention the years of physical and mental abuse. The black eye she sent me to school with and told me to blame my brother on. She doesn’t mention how she denied mental health care for myself which I now realize it was because of fear. She was afraid of me exposing the truth of her abuse. She would not only abuse me but she would abuse a girl that she had in her state licensed daycare. I was a child back then and did not know any better I just stayed quiet. She doesn’t mention how she would shove food down my throat instead of getting me help for my eating disorder. Chili pepper in my eyes and my mouth, being kicked with shoes on, having to strip down to just my underwear so that she could physically inspect me for self harming instead of getting me help. She only found out about the self harm because a teacher noticed after four years. She doesn’t talk about how she favors my siblings and how she won’t admit that I am an accident. She sure always made me feel like one though. She doesn’t talk about how she stopped feeding me for months and I had to scavenge for food late at night because she would refuse to make food for me when she found out that I had a girlfriend in high school. She doesn’t talk about how she would tell me that she was going to send me to an orphanage at least on a weekly basis.

She blames me for my rape. She didn’t visit me when I was in the hospital for my first suicide attempt. She refused to open her doors to me when I became homeless with my nine month old. she knew I was homeless when I was in California and offered to take my children but only if I gave her my rights. What about me? She helped my sister move across the country and let her stay with her so that she could get on her feet, but me? She loves to watch me suffer. The repercussions of my own actions she would say.

She doesn’t tell people about how she belittled me and blamed me for my daughters trauma response to her sexual assault. She belittles my daughter for being autistic and the behaviors that come along with it. She doesn’t tell others about how she blamed me when my ex-husband physically assaulted me and told me that if I had stayed quiet, he wouldn’t have put hands on me. She told me last year that she wanted to take me out of her will, go ahead. Why would you tell me that? To hurt me? I don’t care.

There’s so much more. This is just the beginning. She is speaking at a national conference next weekend to talk about how to be a better woman and how to leave an abusive relationship and how to recognize signs of abuse when she doesn’t even recognize them in herself. Better yet, I’m sure she does know and she just is ignorant about it.

The truth will get out there. It’s only a matter of time.

I was wrong. – poem

I trusted him.

I believed that he had changed.

I thought he had our best interest in mind.

I wanted to give the best for our kids.

I was wrong.

He didn’t care, he hadn’t changed.

He knew how to manipulate my mind.

He knew I was willing to give up my life.

He knew how to hurt me.

I was wrong.

I wasn’t allowed to have feelings.

I wasn’t allowed to speak up.

I wasn’t allowed to disagree.

I wasn’t allowed to tell him anything.

I was wrong.

I always have been wrong to him.

I was wrong to jump into this move.

I have now drug my children through war.

I have lost it all again.

But I’m strong.

I can make it through this.

Our children will be okay.

But him?

I hope he one day realizes…

What he did is wrong.

(October 2017)