Dear Mother,

I needed you. 

I needed to be loved.

I needed the love of a mother.

I watched as you hugged and loved my siblings.

Peeking through the cracks in the door

My heart filled with jealousy.

Always made to feel inferior.

Like an embarrassing mistake.

Always wondering why I wasn’t enough.

I was the target for your anger.

Your eyes were filled with rage.

Your hands were powered by hate.

When my feelings overpowered,

I turned to self harm.

Anything to drown the chaos in my mind.

I would hide in the closet,

Wrapped up in blankets,

& pretend they were your touch.

My nights spent crying.

Praying to God to take me.

Wondering if I’d ever be enough.