After years of struggling with various challenges, I’ve received a collection of diagnoses that offer insight into my life and experiences.
Anxiety
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)
Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD)
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
These paint an accurate picture of my life.
There was one additional diagnosis that stands out.
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
I expected this one. But seeing it on paper provided validation about myself. This never crossed my mind until I noticed so much of myself in my daughters.
This connection urged me to explore the possibility of an Autism diagnosis for myself.
The confirmation of this diagnosis revealed a world I had always known existed but had never truly acknowledged in myself. It brought with it a wave of validation. It’s helping me understand myself and my past experiences through a new lens.
Receiving these diagnoses brings memories of my childhood trauma, particularly abuse from my mother. It is through the expertise of the psychiatrist and my therapist that the pieces have begun to fall into place. They have confirmed that my PTSD stems from the abuse experienced at the hands of my mother.
The effects of the trauma endured, leaving me feelings of inferiority, self-doubt, and guilt that continued well past my childhood. At the same time, these experiences have helped guide me in my own parenting decisions. I am by no means perfect, but I am growing as a mother because of this.
Having the diagnoses on paper does not excuse or justify my mother’s actions. They are, however, empowering. It’s a turning point in my journey of life acceptance. I wasn’t ‘a bad child’—I was an autistic child navigating a difficult world. This new awareness has helped my self-compassion and fueled my journey to healing.
I encourage you to reflect on your own journey. Our diagnoses, our experiences, and our challenges do not define us, but they can guide us towards a deeper understanding of ourselves.
Give yourself some grace and patience.
There is life,
After the Wolf.
Resources for Further Support and Information:
After The Wolf 