Tag / Narcissism

by lifeafterthewolf

It’s Closed

I am tired. But after 3 months, the case is finally closed.

Narcissists come in many shapes and forms. Covert narcissists are harder to spot and get away with their actions the longest. Their demeanor can convince others that they have done nothing wrong.

I am not hysterical. I have been a victim of a narcissist for over a decade. A victim of a narcissistic parent my entire childhood. My mother failed me. Because of her I learned how to walk on eggshells and handle a narcissist. Because of her, I fell into the cycle. She taught me to tolerate abuse with the hopes of receiving a pinch of kindness. So at age 18; I found a new person who took advantage of my broken heart.

Now, for over a decade; I have let this man come in and out of my children’s lives. Because I care for his mother. They are the only grandchildren so far. I am grateful for her. And she would send money, presents, cards, and love throughout these years. So it really hurt to read these text messages. I know as a parent you will always love and defend your child and I do not blame her for the anger. She loves her son unconditionally. I understand that. I am thankful for her because she took my children out of that situation on that day.

I just wanted my children to have their father. That’s why I let the cycle go on as long as I did. I hoped my children could have that father daughter relationship i have. My father has always been the parent that I know I can rely on. No matter what, my father has been there for me. Was he perfect? No. But he has fulfilled his role as a father and shown me that a child should be loved unconditionally.

I longed for my children to have that relationship.

It’s unfortunate that this ended up this way yet again. But unlike the many other times, we are both in the same state. Unlike the multiple other times I have been subjected to his abuse, something was done. Do I think the sentence was fair? Not quite. Mostly, I’m just relieved that something was done this time.

———————Mugshot Disclaimer———————-

FLst 119.01

(1) It is the policy of this state that all state, county, and municipal records are open for personal inspection and copying by any person. Providing access to public records is a duty of each agency.

“Arrest records which include mugshots are public documents and form part of the arrest history of an arrestee. Arrest data include biographical information, charges, fingerprints and mugshots of the suspects. In accordance with the Florida Public Records Act, law enforcement agencies across the state provide public access to this information by publishing them on their websites.”

#afterthewolf#cptsd#trauma#narcissist#domesticviolenceawareness#florida

by lifeafterthewolf

A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

A narcissist is good at wearing the mask.
They’re good with the public.
They’re usually ’respected’ and praised often.
Behind closed doors is when the mask comes off. Once they get comfortable, the real them shows.

A narcissistic parent:

Withholds love and tries to put out the light so their child will constantly be seeking their approval. But in public, they will praise that child and take credit for their accomplishments so that THEY get the praise and not the child.

The parent will not let the child find their own “style” unless it’s something that makes the parent look good.

They will emotionally neglect the child and belittle their mental health claims. Usually withholding medical care to prevent the child from speaking up about what goes on at home.

When they have more than 1 child, More often than not, they will choose a scapegoat. That one child will always be “the bad kid”, “problem child”, “embarrassment” etc.

When you are their scapegoat, You will never please a narcissistic parent. Nothing will ever be good enough for them.

  • AfterTheWolf ♥
by lifeafterthewolf

Note about my Birth Giver

I have to say something.

My mother is fake. Her name is Cynthia Jimenez. “Mujer de Valor” on social media. She is on social media posting about what a great person she is and calling herself a “woman of valor”. What she fails to mention is that she herself is an abuser.

My mother and father had a toxic relationship. Fine. What I don’t understand is why she is still dragging his name through the mud years later. Why is she still involving herself with his PRESENT drama. it doesn’t involve you, let it go. She’s also been sending people to my social media but unfortunately for her, their profile views on TikTok are on and I can see who she is sending.

You see, she has made a name for herself by victimizing herself. She talks about my siblings with high praise and talks about her other grandchildren. She doesn’t talk about my children, she doesn’t talk about me, she doesn’t talk about the hurt she would cause me. She fails to mention that we have been no contact since February yet again. She doesn’t mention that I let her know that she hurt my feelings by degrading me and she chose to leave me on read and not reply. However, she did make a post on her social media that day that she wanted prayers because she was having a rough day. She only noticed that I was limiting my contact when I unfollowed her on social media. That’s all I was, a subscriber or a follower to her.

She doesn’t mention the years of physical and mental abuse. The black eye she sent me to school with and told me to blame my brother on. She doesn’t mention how she denied mental health care for myself which I now realize it was because of fear. She was afraid of me exposing the truth of her abuse. She would not only abuse me but she would abuse a girl that she had in her state licensed daycare. I was a child back then and did not know any better I just stayed quiet. She doesn’t mention how she would shove food down my throat instead of getting me help for my eating disorder. Chili pepper in my eyes and my mouth, being kicked with shoes on, having to strip down to just my underwear so that she could physically inspect me for self harming instead of getting me help. She only found out about the self harm because a teacher noticed after four years. She doesn’t talk about how she favors my siblings and how she won’t admit that I am an accident. She sure always made me feel like one though. She doesn’t talk about how she stopped feeding me for months and I had to scavenge for food late at night because she would refuse to make food for me when she found out that I had a girlfriend in high school. She doesn’t talk about how she would tell me that she was going to send me to an orphanage at least on a weekly basis.

She blames me for my rape. She didn’t visit me when I was in the hospital for my first suicide attempt. She refused to open her doors to me when I became homeless with my nine month old. she knew I was homeless when I was in California and offered to take my children but only if I gave her my rights. What about me? She helped my sister move across the country and let her stay with her so that she could get on her feet, but me? She loves to watch me suffer. The repercussions of my own actions she would say.

She doesn’t tell people about how she belittled me and blamed me for my daughters trauma response to her sexual assault. She belittles my daughter for being autistic and the behaviors that come along with it. She doesn’t tell others about how she blamed me when my ex-husband physically assaulted me and told me that if I had stayed quiet, he wouldn’t have put hands on me. She told me last year that she wanted to take me out of her will, go ahead. Why would you tell me that? To hurt me? I don’t care.

There’s so much more. This is just the beginning. She is speaking at a national conference next weekend to talk about how to be a better woman and how to leave an abusive relationship and how to recognize signs of abuse when she doesn’t even recognize them in herself. Better yet, I’m sure she does know and she just is ignorant about it.

The truth will get out there. It’s only a matter of time.

by lifeafterthewolf

Wrong. (2017, JR)

I trusted him.

I believed that he had changed.

I thought he had our best interest in mind.

I wanted to give the best for our kids.

I was wrong.

He didn’t care, he hadn’t changed.

He knew how to manipulate my mind.

He knew I was willing to give up my life.

He knew how to hurt me.

I was wrong.

I wasn’t allowed to have feelings.

I wasn’t allowed to speak up.

I wasn’t allowed to disagree.

I wasn’t allowed to tell him anything.

I was wrong.

I always have been wrong to him.

I was wrong to jump into this move.

I have now drug my children through war.

I have lost it all again.

But I’m strong.

I can make it through this.

Our children will be okay.

But him?

I hope he one day realizes…

What he did is wrong.