Tag / wolf

by lifeafterthewolf

On the sidewalk crying out for you.

Early morning 3/29, i found myself on the side walk sobbing and calling out for my mommy.

I had just regained consciousness from hitting my head on the sidewalk. I was being held in the arms of my abuser. He said he “saved” me. He was the reason i was on the ground in the first place. Trying to escape him.

I will never understand why my heart wanted my mother so badly. Why i kept calling out “i want my momma, i want my mommy…”. But i did. And when i tried to call a few days later after years of no contact, i was let down yet again.

Over the last two years I’ve experienced a lot. But over the last few months, the most unimaginable things. My heart hurts. My soul is sad. I long for a mother that never existed. I long to be held the way i cradle my daughters when they’re in despair.

But I will never have that. I never did.
I’m still in the battle zone. I will be for a while. But i have found an amazing support system who loves me. A new momma that cares about me. A bunso who protects me. Though my poppa, brother, and sister are far away, i feel their love. It will never replace the love of a mother, but i never knew what that felt like in the first place.

What i do know, is that i will get through this storm. With God, my friends, and my family.

by lifeafterthewolf

Inner Battle..

This week has been tough.

Even with good things happening, I still feel empty. I’ve worked so hard to get here. I’m working so hard to make sure my daughters are okay. We’ve made it through a hard year. We’re doing better now.

Too many thoughts inside.

But there are some personal wolves I’ve been avoiding. I’m scared to face them. It’s easier for me to fight battles for others, especially my daughters’ wolves. But why can’t I face my own?

I’m just not ready to accept this wolf. I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to face it.

afterthewolf #trauma #ptsd #cptsd

by lifeafterthewolf

A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

A narcissist is good at wearing the mask.
They’re good with the public.
They’re usually ’respected’ and praised often.
Behind closed doors is when the mask comes off. Once they get comfortable, the real them shows.

A narcissistic parent:

Withholds love and tries to put out the light so their child will constantly be seeking their approval. But in public, they will praise that child and take credit for their accomplishments so that THEY get the praise and not the child.

The parent will not let the child find their own “style” unless it’s something that makes the parent look good.

They will emotionally neglect the child and belittle their mental health claims. Usually withholding medical care to prevent the child from speaking up about what goes on at home.

When they have more than 1 child, More often than not, they will choose a scapegoat. That one child will always be “the bad kid”, “problem child”, “embarrassment” etc.

When you are their scapegoat, You will never please a narcissistic parent. Nothing will ever be good enough for them.

  • AfterTheWolf ♥